PROJECT: re-BUILD MY LIFE! #3 The Root of Fear!

PROJECT: re-BUILD MY LIFE! #3 The Root of Fear!

Having drawing’s are good, model’s are better, but there comes a time when you just gotta get your hands dirty and get started! I know that every time I’ve helped build something structural we always needed a good foundation, and in order to make a good foundation you have to prepare the ground which involved for this project a lot, and I do mean A LOT of digging up stray roots…. BUT FIRST! I had to mark out where I’m going to be building the shed so I’m not doing any more or less work than I need to. Luckily for me I took the woodworking rule of “measure twice cut once” into my planning and was able to stake out and string out the outline of the shed fairly quickly and in about ten minutes. Once I got the site marked out and double checked that the measurements were correct I started the task of leveling the ground. I know that having a leveled base will just just make the rest of the build a lot easier and go a lot smoother…well, that’s what I kept telling myself every time I would run into yet another monstrous root!!! SERIOUSLY!!!! WHERE’D ALL THIS ROOTS COME FROM!!??? I kept looking on the other side of the fence where the root was heading and there’s literally a two foot drop off on the other side of the retaining wall! There’s no trees, no bushes….nothin’! AND the root was about 2″ in diameter! Needless to say just hacking at it with my shovel didn’t do the trick and neither did the battery...
PROJECT: re-BUILD MY LIFE! #2 Importance of a Model

PROJECT: re-BUILD MY LIFE! #2 Importance of a Model

So…I’m pretty sure this happens to most people, BUT everytime I decide to take on a new challenge/adventure it seems as if there’s always someone there to tell me I can’t do it! OR at least tell me reasons why I can’t do it right now. OR start questioning my abilities to achieve said goal. I’m guilty of that too, so I understand, but I would love to have the encouragement from the people I love in taking on such a big project. And if they don’t think I can do it, lie to me! hahaha Anyways, I decided that no matter where the negativity came from, loved ones or strangers, I was going to use ALL energy as motivation to keep going! I had the opportunity on Tuesday to really vocalize everything that this shed project means to me and the deeper levels of meaning and growth I hope to get out of it. I had just received my infusion at UCLA for the clinical trial I’m on and found out that there’s only 3 more months of treatment! This shocked me a bit! They had made it seem like I would continue the treatment for as long as it works…but now to have an “end date” really hit home the importance of getting a solid foundation for my life so that when that moment comes around I won’t be sitting there with no plans. I realized how much this building a shed really has already become a metaphor for what I’m going through in life. After making the model and thinking about how that relates to me real...
PROJECT: re-BUILD MY LIFE!

PROJECT: re-BUILD MY LIFE!

So…now; after four years of dedicating myself to learning all about form, scale, and all other aspects of design, not to mention at the same time undergoing many bayous treatments relating to having cancer, I FINALLY DID IT! I GRADUATED! And now I officially have a Bachelor’s Degree! Quite an achievement I must admit! However, just like every other graduate will tell you, that achievement is short lived because as soon as you toss that cap up into the air someone will inevitably ask;  “Now what are you going to do!?” …well, after a few weeks of wondering myself what I’m going to do I realized that I’m going to do absolutely NOTHING!   I’ve been running back and forth from design classes to doctors appointments back to more classes that my life has somewhat fallen by the wayside without me knowing it.  Yes, I’ve learned so much over the past few years about who I am as a survivor, as an artist and designer, and as a human being; for which I am grateful to have been tried and tested mentally, physically, and spiritually, but I was living in a bubble. A very difficult and often times painful and scary bubble, but a bubble where I was cut off from a lot of things like a job, going out with friends, hell sometimes even going out in generally I couldn’t do!  So now that this big goal of mine is finished, and now that there’s a huge vacancy in my life to be filled, I have nothing to fill it with.  Before I go and commit myself to...

This is REAL LIFE!

I feel like after being knocked off the tracks for the past month or so I’m finally getting back on track! And I’m REALLY EXCITED! I’m sure most people can relate, but each time I felt I was getting beat down either with something about my health, or school, or feeling like I was being left out of life either a celebration of some sort, or an event etc (but feeling the guilt of it being my fault) I subconsciously was slipping back into the “why me?” attitude and feeling bad for myself and wishing that this or that would happen because that change my life and would make everything better. The more I let myself sink into that world the less I felt there was anything I could do about it. I allowed myself to feel powerless. I felt lost and confused on why nothing was going right. Why was I coughing up blood? Why was my chest hurting more? Why wasn’t anyone responding or helping with my projects? Why would anyone even want to help me with these projects? These ideas are stupid, dumb, not good enough etc. And eventually that became the thoughts of “I’m not good enough…I’m not worth it…I’m can’t do this.” WRONG! I know that is wrong wrong wrong! Just over a month ago I completely changed my life! I cleaned up, cleaned out, and organized my life. I was planning every day, making lists of things that I could do that were helping me get closer to dreams and goals, and most importantly ACHIEVING SOME OF THOSE GOALS!!! I had already been successful....

The NEW New Adventures of Living With Cancer!

I realized after watching some of my medical/cancer update videos that they were just tragically boring to watch haha! I didn’t even watch the entire list of videos because of how depressing most of them felt. I also realized that since organizing my life via the Konami method (please look up her videos and blog and even get her book if possible! ) and decorating my room so that it was now a place of joy and healing instead of sickness and recovery that I needed to change my YouTube vlog  s well in order to match the now vibrant joyful life I’m now getting to live.  Now is all about living and living life!  My motto is NO EXCUSES! instead of just waiting to see what happens to me with cancer I am now in charge of what happens in my life!  I’m going from the passive person to the active achiever!  I have dreams, I have goals, and I have plans on getting there! And I want my blog here as well as my YouTube vlog (as well as my Instagram ) to follow the steps along the way. I want to go on adventures and make moments memorable not just wait for memorable moments!  I will be creating inspiring things through fashion, interior design, music, and travel!  THIS IS LIFE! AND I’M NOT MISSING OUT ON ANY OF IT! I haven’t gotten to this point in my life alone and it’s because of so many wonderful loving people I’ve been blessed with throughout my life that have given me the strength to overcome all the hurdles. So I want to go on these adventures...