A Silver Lining Jacket

Last Monday I found out that I was going to have to have the port in my chest once again taken out and that I was going to be going in on Tuesday morning to have the emergency surgery to remove the port. Only six months ago I had my last port taken out because of a hole and another Port put in, so to have yet again a hole through my skin to the port and having to have it taken out again was very frustrating and depressing and the fact that it happened after already being in the hospital for a week and a half having a tumor taken out was just not what I was excited about doing! But it needed to be done and I decided with my doctor to only remove the sport and so up my chest and not to put another port in this time because I was done with the Dilaudid pump and I didn’t have any infusions planned and even if I start infusions again they can do it with a one-time IV access in my arm so there was no need like there was before to have a port put in again. Plus I just couldn’t handle putting trust in the Home Nurses or doctors and other nurses and just other people in general with accessing the sport without putting the needle in wrong or the same place repeatedly because after what I went through the past few weeks I’m having a very hard time personally trusting doctors and nurses unfortunately. I know not all are troublesome but it’s happened enough and it’s my health It’s My Life and it’s something that I absolutely cannot take lightly from now on!

Now that being said last week I said in my video that I was promising a weekly video so I was able to this morning make a new video and I was able to talk about recovering last week from the surgery taking out the port which luckily went very well. I was able to talk with the surgeon the whole time and he enjoyed having a patient that wanted to know what he was doing and wanted to see the port and the tube after they removed it from my chest before hat being sent off to be analyzed and tested. They had given me a sedative and Lidocaine as local anesthetic but the sedative I guess was just not strong enough after all the other medications I’ve taken so I never fell asleep which allowed me to talk and hum to the music and tap my feet but the lidocaine worked well and luckily I didn’t feel a thing this time!

Recovery for some reason after a couple days was rough and I don’t know if it’s just because I have lost so much muscle over the years or even the last few months specifically but I went on a walk around the block and the next day I could barely walk up or down the stairs my muscles were so completely sore and worn out! And from Thursday until this morning I could barely walk up the stairs and so I am hoping that this is just building up muscles that is taking this toll on me and that hopefully I will be able to build up the muscles and build up the nutrition that I need to heal faster and recover faster from exercise because I don’t want to be stuck at home after each walk around the block!

In the video I talk about three main goals that I have right now and one of them has to do with this nutrition issue. I have struggled with eating healthy for years. I love to cook and I know how to cook but I have no idea how to plan nutritious meals for everyday of the week and how to grocery shop to do that and when to plan the time to cook those meals and snacks so that when I need to grab something and go I have food ready. The goal that I have is to figure that out and I know that I need professional help to do that since I’ve tried before in my life to teach myself and have never been able to figure out a system or a plan that works so I was able to find a nutritionist and I have an appointment this week to see her so that will be my first step in my goal of getting my nutrition under control so that I can start living a healthy life beginning with what I put into my body. I can’t expect to have a healthy life strong body if I’m not putting nutritious food or any food sometimes into my body. So that’s the goal that I’m really working on this week as well as to clean and organize my room and to start focusing my free time on what I really want to do in life and the beginning of that is I just need to figure out what to focus on which has been hard.

Like a lot of creative people I’m interested in almost everything because I feel everything has some creative inspiring aspect to it from singing to painting to sculpture to drawing and the Sciences have a huge artistic inspiration to me because it’s creating life it’s creating knowledge and I have a hard time putting separations between science and art and literature and math and biology and sculpture and psychology and cooking and because of that it’s always been a struggle to choose and focus on a discipline. I don’t know what job I want I don’t know what job to look for because I don’t know quite what job I want to have in 10 15 20 years and so that is my goal this week is to really start thinking about that and start narrowing it down and looking at all of the My Favorite projects that I’ve done throughout my life and find the thread that runs through them and really find out what it is that consistently attracts me to those projects. After doing that I hope I will be able to have more focus in choosing and making decisions on projects to Invest my time and life into!

There is also a treat to myself at the beginning of the video so please go check out the video “A Silver lining Jacket“. I hope you are able to watch it and comment about what goals you are working on or struggling with so that we can talk more about ways each of us can Find the strength to accomplish these goals of ours!

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *